The 5 untold job titles you become when you have children.

  1. International smuggler
    Whether it is smuggling chocolate in the house or in your mouth the moment your little human turns their head or smuggling toys out the house when they finally get to sleep and you do a good old fashion toy cull.
  2. A choir conductor
    When one becomes two, or two becomes more, the noise decibel’s reach a screeching height and you will be bopping your head left to right, arms up in the air (unlike your child-free days like you just don’t care), pointing, getting faster and faster until you end up joining in the the choir and you will let out a loud, banshee-like note that you never thought you could reach in your pre-child days and you will be left, given up and over run by your musical ensemble of children.
  3. Time keeper
    You didn’t know this, but from the moment you have your first contraction during labour, you will become a slave to your clock for the rest of your child rearing life.
    What time did I last breast feed?
    What time did he wake?
    How long will it take for me to be showered, dressed, eat breakfast, feed the kids, pack the lunches, dress them too and be out the door by 8:15am?
    When the big hand points to the 6, its your brothers turn!
    I need to be home by 9pm sharp, the baby sitter has to leave then,
    Swimming is at 3:30pm, dancing is at 4pm,
    I can squeeze in a play date between his sleep times between 1pm and 2pm,
    It’s ok, husband will be in ten minutes!
  4. The energiser bunny
    Also, from the moment you start to have your first contraction, will be the moment you start to run on low battery. You are tired, sleep deprived with only a night of 4 hours sleep (for the whole week or ten) but you fight through your days like a trooper, you still have some battery and have adjusted to relying on this amount of your battery storage. You are sick as a dog, but you fight through, you keep going, you don’t stop, you might be running on empty but no one else can see that, you just keep going and going and going until you get that random weekend when the kids go to their grandparents house for a sleep over so you can attend your work colleagues wedding, great! a sleep in you think, but then you make the most of your night out with your hubby, stumble home at 2am and your body clock wakes you up at 7am (that darn clock! I am not your slave today!)
  5. A liar (not really a job but you know)
    Let’s be real, we aren’t really liars before we have kids, we might tweak a story or two for reaction but we don’t flat out blurt out lies like we do when we are parents.
    What’s that sweetie? No, I didn’t just eat chocolate, it was a prune my darling, you don’t like prunes.
    What love? your toy? nope, haven’t seen it, maybe it is in a box in the play room or at grandma’s house (smuggling liar)
    If you keep doing that ugly face at me and the wind changes, your face will stay like that forever!
    If you do that again, I won’t buy you another toy ever! (who are we kidding?)
    No, no, the park is closed today.
    All the kids in the entire world are asleep right now, quick Santa is doing he rounds to see who is naughty and nice
    Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy!