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I posted on my Instagram stories that I have booked in my cesarean for my current pregnancy. I have several messages asking why I am having a cesarean (well, because my first birth was natural and my episiotomy got infected, therefore not healing properly and now not allowing me to have a natural birth) and also, advice on having a cesarean. So here is a blog post I wrote in 2014, around 6 weeks after Will was born.

Before I had Will, I was so scared about having a cesarean, I put a call out to everyone I knew who had one to share their experience with me so I could prepare myself ,mentally and physically as googling and reading books didn’t do it for me, I wanted the real stuff! I hope me sharing with you my experience of having my newest little bub will help, inspire, relate to you in some way just like all the stories and advice I received from others helped me.

My alarm was set for 4:45am, my suitcase was packed, my clothes layed out and my camera placed on top of my suitcase as this was the only thing I would be allowed to take into surgery with me apart from my iPhone, oh and my husband! I jumped in the shower and washed that big old pregnant belly for the last time. Luckily my hair was freshly blow waved, my lashes were lusciously filled and my brows and nails were manicured to perfection all done the day before, I only needed to put on my foundation and my trademark liquid eyeliner as I knew there wouldn’t be any sweating for me this time to get this baby boy out. I can’t really describe how I was feeling, it was kind of like a fake feeling of calm, I almost think that I made myself believe I was calm so I wouldn’t think about how important this day was and what was going to happen in under four hours time. I took one last photo in the mirror of my 39 week baby bump, put my comfy pants, breastfeeding singlet and cardigan on, kissed my sleeping toddler on the head and jumped into the car with my husband (I must add, we had a baby sitter sleep over to mind Aston!)

As the sun was rising, the roads leading to the city were free flowing we got to the hospital within 15 minutes. Entering the hospital I noticed the cafe was already open so I forced Josh to eat something as I knew he wouldn’t have the opportunity to eat for several hours, as for me? I had been fasting since 10pm the night before and couldn’t even take a sip of water, that sucked! As Josh ate his food, I paced up and down the corridors of the hospital, praying and trying not to think that I had to go to the toilet! sorry, but its true, I was so nervous! We checked into the day surgery, that was so weird “Oh hey, I am here to get cut open and get my baby out. What was that? fill this in and sit there and wait til’ I am called in like I am at the dentist? OK” seriously, it felt like it all wasn’t really happening. I got called in not long after and within 20 minutes Josh and I were dressed in our sexy blue scrubs, I don’t want no scrub! This was it, it was all happening. Then, my ray of sunshine came into the room, no, not my baby yet, it was the famous Midwife Cath, the best person to enter my life in 2013 when I found out I was pregnant. She was at my surgery to hold my hand, take photos and keep me calm and this is what she did, you will find out soon.

I walked into surgery in a not so chic dressing gown with my bum exposed and a hair cap on. I just couldn’t believe that I was willingly walking myself into surgery, that was just weird but I had my midwife by my side, as for Josh? where the bloody hell did he go? I walked into this bright lit sterile room that had a table in the middle of the room that they told me to get up on, I hesitated, “you are going to get cut up on this table: said my head, “the table in which you will receive your precious baby” said some other part of my head or perhaps it was the voice of Cath? I was shaking and taking my mind to another place as the anethesist  (who was not Patrick from Offspring, waaaaa!) got me to curl up into the foetal position (how ironic) as he told me step by step what he was doing to paralyse my lower half of my body.  This was the part I was most scared of as I thought it would be excruciating and potentially life threatening? As I listened to him, I just continued squeezing and squeezing Cath’s hand, her calm voice reassuring me all was OK. Once my body felt like I was stepping into a hot bath (as the anethesist describe it would and he was right!) My legs! I can’t feel my legs! worst feeling ever! I was rolled onto my back, a screen went up and before I knew it, my obstetrician, Len Kliman (another ‘best thing to happen to me in 2013’) was on his merry way doing his thing to get my baby out and then I realised, Josh wasn’t with me! ‘Where is my husband???” Did they forget him?  He was rushed in and whipped out his iPhone just as he was told and started showing me photos from an album I made on his phone just for this day. As photos of Aston smiling, the beach at Noosa and images of the babies nursery flashed before my eyes, to take my mind away from what was actually happening, I hear “he has hair!” Oh em gee, this is it! don’t get scared now! The theatre crowd goes wild, the obstetrician, the ob’s assistant, the paediatrician, the anethesist and who ever else was bloody in there were excited as the head came out, then the body and then… “Oooohh he is weeing!” yep, apparently he came out weeing. All I wanted to hear was the… oh wait there it is “waaa waaaaa” – relief! Len flashed my little babies face to me over the screen between me and my long gone belly. “My baby, my baby, I just had a baby” my heart melted, it was like I was in another realm or something, words can’t describe that moment without me calling it ‘that moment’. I continued to cry, a joyful, loving cry, alone as everyone nicked off and watched the baby get weighed and cleaned up, I lay there whaling “I just had a baby, I had a baby” gosh, I am glad no one filmed that, but I was in that moment of pure love and joy and disbelief that I could be so lucky to have this baby.

William (Will) Jeremiah (after his great grandfather) Dempsey came into my life on Thursday the 10th of April. When he was finally brought to me and I held him for the first time, it was like I had known him forever compared to the first time I held Aston (second time is a treat!). I immediately saw Aston’s face in Will’s and I spoke to him and told him how much I loved him and how much his dad and brother did (or would in 5 weeks time!) too. Then, I felt sick. Josh took Will off me and the anethesist pumped something into my drip. After that I couldn’t hold my baby for three hours. My body went into shock, I was on all these drugs, I was shaking all over and I was cold. In recovery I wasn’t good, they had to put a hot air blanket on my and give me pain killers, the main reason for this I think was because I couldn’t feel my legs and I didn’t like this, oh and because I just had surgery!!!!

In my hospital room, my legs started to get the feeling back and I fed my baby. From that moment I was fine, without going into too much detail, once I walked again, had a shower and ate some food I was back to me and loving every second. I swung back into newborn mumma mode and it was a pleasure feeding my baby whenever he needed. I put him into the nursery at night which gave me time to recover and sleep, the nurses just gave him formula for the two feeds I would miss and have him back around 5:30am.

Skipping forward a few weeks, Will is still and has always been a good baby. With advice from the best midwife in Melbourne (and surely, Australia) he has been putting on weight as he should, settles to sleep so well and never, ever cries! I love waking for him in the middle of the night/morning to feed him, he is just so good and he knew day and night very early on. I now feed him every four hours and it is great so I can get things done in between. I don’t know why I didn’t put on a lot of weight with this pregnancy, I put on 25kgs with Aston, mainly after he was born but this time I am only 5kgs off my starting weight but I am not fussed nor complaining or bragging or whatever as I am pretty lucky this time and it takes 9 months for a mum to put on the weight and grow the bump and it usually takes that time for it to come back down again. I am eating nutritious meals, drinking only water and have only just started to walk a little bit, I am sure breastfeeding helps. I didn’t wear any recovery shorts or bands, they were too uncomfortable for me, I just dress clever as you can see on my instagram. I also get the chance to shower and put on make up every day this time by putting the bassinet near the bathroom door when Will sleeps and have Aston playing with his toys in the next room, mind you these showers I speak of are less than a minute and hair washing is done at night when everyone is asleep!

I could keep talking about what has been happening, about how Aston is feeling (he gets better week by week with Will), did I get baby blues (not as bad as last time though still get anxious about my health – thought a stress headache was a tumour!) and what I have been up to (juggling a blog post and meeting here and there and the rest of the day being a mum) but I could go on forever. All you need to know is, life is unbelievable, I am so happy and so blessed and so tired right now as it’s 11:20pm way passed my 8:30pm bedtime, got to feed in two hours! yikes!

Any questions, feel free to email me leave a comment and check back to the answer or if you want to tell me your experience I would love to hear it too! In the meantime, see you on my instagram for daily updates xox