Loving a second child

I want to tell you about loving a second child. After having Aston, we knew we wanted to have a lot more kids and after he was 18 months we were ready to start trying again. The decision to start trying for number two was an easy one, not only were we loving Aston at his current age and finding that we had the hang of things, but also because my beautiful MIL was diagnosed with breast cancer and we quickly learnt that time was precious (she has recovered well as they picked it up early and she is as good as ever now thank God)

We got pregnant with Will on our first try (fluke!) I couldn’t believe it would take one decision and one try and bam! just like that, we were pregnant! He could have looked at me and I would have fallen pregnant, it was that simple! It wasn’t that easy with Aston, it took us almost a year (I might write about this in another post, what do you think?) Josh and I were so happy to be growing our family. Before my 20 week scan, I remember calling Helen (my aunty from themummyconfidentials.com) up, out of the blue and asking her a question.

“Hi Hel, how are ya? Good? OK, Ummm how am I going to love another baby?”

“What do you mean, how will you love another baby?”

“I mean, I love Aston so much, with all my heart and more, so how can I share the love, how does it work? Does it get divided? Will it be immediate? Does it just happen or do I learn to love it? How can I share the same amount of love with another child?”

“Trust me, when your baby comes you will know it, you will feel it and you wont question it, it will be your child, just like Aston is and you will love it just the same”

This question I asked that day played in my mind right up until the day I gave birth to Will. But how? Really? I had doubt, I thought I would let this child down and not be able to love it as much as Aston, my special little boy that I knew so well. Aston was my first baby, a pain-in-the-bum of a baby who, once I got past the first three months of his life, was an angel, a non-sleeping angel and still is that non sleeping angel but he gives me so much more that it takes my tiredness away.

Fast forward to the 10th of April 2014, as I lay in the operating theatre waiting for my baby to be born and enter our lives, and then, as just as Helen said, that moment happened. I refer to ‘that moment’ a lot to my friends, as ‘that moment’ is the first time you ever lay eyes on your baby, ‘that moment’ of instant love.

So, that question I asked Helen several months back has turned from being a question, into a moment. I saw his tiny face, crying as he was held up for me to see for the fist time and then he was whisked away to get checked by the paediatrician before I could even touch him. I lay there, alone, crying my eyes out, tears of joy and love, repeating ‘my baby, my baby, I just had a baby, I love him’.

Now fast forward to today, I am mother of two boys. I love them both, equally so much, I didn’t need to force it, it just happened. When I think or look at Will, my heart is full, my stomach gets butterflies, my face goes soft, I get a squint in my eye and a soft smile appears on my face, the same for when I look at my first born.