I am at that point in my life where I need to figure out if and when I should go for a third child. This is a really big deal, it isn’t something I can just ‘wing’ or ‘see what happens’, we are talking about creating another human life here and once it is created, this one little life will effect the life of four others (Josh, myself and our two existing human child things).  The days of, ‘oh, we should start trying’ or, ‘we are ready’ are behind us, it is a bigger deal than that now, we are talking ‘how will Aston adjust?’ and ‘do we need a bigger car?’ ‘do we want Will do go through that middle-child thing?’ ‘who’s hand will I leave out when crossing the road?’ ‘who’s bum do I wipe first?’ and… the main question we are all thinking but not saying…’what if…I get twin boys?’

huh? oh sorry, I zoned out for a moment after I wrote the ‘t’ word.

Look, the fact is, I don’t want to turn 33 this year and know that my pregnancy days are all over, done, dusted. Then what would be my next milestone? My 40th birthday? (screech!) my divorce? (jokes Josh!) becoming a grandmother? (shoot me!) no, no this can’t be the way.

How hard can having a third child in the mix be anyway? Is it really that much of a change? Is it a big deal that we would need a bigger car? bigger home, bigger toy room, bigger pram, bigger bank account?

Night time routines? surely the children can dress themselves in their own pyjamas, brush their teeth, read to themselves and tuck them selves in ready for me to whisk in and give them a goodnight kiss on the forehead?

Wouldn’t I just love those sleepless nights again? A choir of screaming little people at 2am when the baby wakes the toddler, the toddler wakes the pre-schooler and the pre-schooler wakes the grumpy father who has to get up for work at 6am to then wake the mother (aka me) who fell asleep somewhere between baby and toddler?

Would it be that bad seeing those ‘is she the babysitter? maybe she married a rich old man and is a gold digger? or maybe she got pregnant at 18 with three different baby daddy’s?’ looks from strangers? meh- I am used to that already with my huge innocent eyes and baby face.

Surely the school, kinder and child care drop off by 9am would be a breeze! You know, making the breakfast, lunch boxes, getting them dressed and making myself look a million bucks by 8:45am would be a cinch right? Pffft, I could do that with my eyes closed! (no, literally, I would have my eyes closed as I would be a WALKING ZOMBIE!!!) What? after school pick up x3 and activities per child? Simple! I am sure I would be home in time to have a lovely gourmet organic meal for my husband ready and waiting for when he walks in the door.

And then, there are the school fees.

Look, I have some serious thinking to do, I need to go away, think about all of the above and how easy I can make it all work, (for the chance to potentially getting a daughter  ) for the chance to potentially feel as young and in-my-milestone-bracket as much as possible by having a baby again.

Then, there is that other decision making thing in this game- the husband…

Watch this space.